So I graduate college in 15 days.
And right away, I know what you are probably thinking.. what are my plans after graduation?
Boy, I wish I could tell you. And I wish I wasn’t expected to have it all figured out.
But, here’s what I wish the most. I wish to let myself trust the process. You see, I’m over here with less than two weeks left of being a college student and here’s what I’m doing: trying to have a summer schedule all neatly lined up in my passion planner, color-coorniated, people pleasing, blissful, and all. HA! In what world does that exist? Maybe in my world one day, but today is not that day. And I’ll tell you why.
I woke up, took the 6am yoga class at Grow Yoga in Glassboro with my boyfriend, and then went back to his place where he cooked breakfast. It was the perfect start to what was going to be a very long day. I then worked the front desk at Grow from 9-1 and left to go to my Olive Garden orientation at 2pm after just recently being hired! After the orientation, I went to the lululemon in Cherry Hill for a group interview at 4:30 that I was just asked to be a part of! Trying to line up some beautiful things for the summer. It is now 8pm and I am back at Grow Yoga working the front desk until I get to take the 9pm yoga class.
It was a jam packed day to say the least.. and wouldn’t you know that I am sitting here being hard on myself for still not having it all together? When both jobs asked for my availability, I panicked, because I don’t really have one minute of availability in these next two weeks. My schedule is filled with papers, finals, teaching yoga, my internship, my 2nd yoga teacher training, trying to see my friends while I still can, and graduation!
And still, I feel like I am not enough. I am not doing enough. I should’ve been working this whole semester. I should’ve been working more in my life. Why is my schedule always jam packed? Why do I always have to let someone down due to a previous commitment? Why is is that the only second I get to breathe is on my mat? Why do I leave home early in the morning and not return until it’s time for bed? Because I make it so.
And because this is what my process looks like right now, being a go-getter and sacrificing some things in order to ensure the future of my dreams. It’s funny too.. because on the cover of my yoga teacher training binder, I have “Trust the Process” written on it reeeeal big. When I told my boyfriend that I needed to see him for the 10 minutes that I had after the interview before I had to be back at the yoga studio, he told me three magical words..
trust the process.
And sometimes those words are right in your face, but you need to hear it from someone you love to believe it.
I bet if I were to ask every Rowan senior that was about to graduate if they were freaking out right now, most would say yes. And still, I feel alone in this!
But I’m not alone. I’m never alone. My mind may try to tell me that I am, but I know better. And I know that the harder the process, the more it will pay off, figuratively and literally 😉
My point is this.. my world may not be perfectly blissful and people-pleasing, but that’s okay. I am exactly where I need to be in my journey. And so what if it’s messy? It’s real. I’d rather be a genuine & beautiful messy craft than a perfectly fake piece of art. And I’m sticking to that.
So, to all those people out there that are being hard on themselves for not being a perfectly fake piece of art, remember this.. no one is you and that is your power.
I may not be perfect, but I’m always me. And when I look at all the accomplishments I have made and all of the loving people I have in my life, I realize that I have created something so perfectly powerful… all in my process, right when it was meant to happen, even if it’s not when I wanted it to happen.
And that is as perfect as it gets.